Weird is good; Normal is boring

Seven weeks down, the rest of my life to go

2010-04-13T13:33:00.004-06:00

Tired of:
taking pills
having to eat breakfast
checking my blood sugar every day

Surprisingly okay with:
counting carbs
not overeating
giving up Pepsi

Really liking:
Losing weight
Feeling comfortable in my uniform (see above)
Giving clothes that are too big to Goodwill
Feeling better!
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Best doctor visit EVER!

2010-03-29T11:01:00.001-06:00

My doctor is VERY happy with me. Apparently most people don't do this well right off the bat. I have to admit I thought it would be harder, too. The carb counting is pretty concrete, though, which makes it easier for me. Also I really really don't want to damage my kidneys or my liver, and I'd like to keep my toes and my eyesight, so I'm pretty motivated.

My stress fracture is completely healed, so I can start exercising again. I can use the treadmill, but she suggested I NOT do that every day like I was, and instead do a bicycle or the elliptical trainer more than the treadmill.

I've lost 11 pounds in the last month. Woo-hoo!!!

She was very happy with my daily blood sugars. Last time I had lab work done, since they weren't expecting to see the diabetes, she didn't order a hemoglobin A1C. That test measures your overall glucose over the last three months. She had the lab run it once she got my results, while they still had my blood sample, and it turned out to be 6.4, which is NORMAL. That's awesome, because it means my diabetes is a very recent development, which means the odds of me having already done any damage to my organs is pretty much zero.

I had a pneumonia shot today, which is mandatory every 5 years for diabetics. I also MUST have a seasonal flu shot every year, see the eye doctor every year, see the dentist every six months, and get lab work every three months. That's all a pain in the neck, but on the other hand, why would I complain about making sure I'm healthy? I had to start one more medication, too, as a preventative measure to protect my kidneys from the diabetes. It's a generic, so it's cheap, and kidneys are expensive.

Dr Rita said that my stress fracture, the vitamin deficiency, and the hypothyroidism would all have contributed to the high blood sugar, so getting those things corrected, combined with my diet changes, should really help the diabetes. She said it's possible I could get off the diabetes medication after a few months, but that medication helps cholesterol and weight gain as well as blood sugar, and as I get older I'd probably find it harder and harder to control my blood sugars and end up back on medication. I'm on the lowest dose they have, and I've read a lot about it, and I'm okay with staying on it. It has a lot of benefits and virtually no side effects (except stomach upset, which I haven't had except for the first day). It doesn't cause low blood sugars, so even if my control is excellent, it still won't hurt to take it.

I celebrated by going to Starbucks and getting a mocha and a scone, a piece of coffee cake, and a piece of pumpkin bread...but I shared with Brian and only ate the portion I'm allowed. Those mochas are really helping me get through the chocolate cravings without cheating!

I had follow-up lab work today, so Wednesday I'll find out how I'm doing on the cholesterol, vitamin D deficiency, thyroid, and liver enzymes. Dr. Rita said that there should be significant improvement on all of them.
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Approach-Avoidance

2010-03-28T13:47:00.003-06:00

Approach-avoidance occurs when an individual moves closer to a seemingly desirable object, only to have the potentially negative consequences of contacting that object push back against the closing behavior.

Tomorrow is my follow-up appointment with my doctor. I'm looking forward to it, mainly because I'm pretty confident I won't have to wear the walking boot anymore. I've been working really hard to make the necessary changes to my diet and take my meds on schedule, so I'd really like to see how my blood work looks now.

On the other hand, what if my labs aren't better? That would be very discouraging. It's only been four weeks, and maybe that's not enough time to expect significant change.

I know that in terms of calories, fat, and general nutrition, my diet has been WAY better in the last four weeks than ever before. My blood sugars have ranged from pretty good to perfect every time. I know, in my head, that I'm doing a good job. I'm a little worried that if that's not reflected in my test results, it'll put me in a funk. It shouldn't, but it might. Guess what I do when I'm feeling like that? EAT. I don't want to do that.

I'm trying to focus on the progress I've made, and work on goals. And I'll ask my doctor how much improvement in the labs she would expect to see in four weeks.

The two things I'm most interested in tomorrow: my weight and getting the stupid boot off!
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Real life

2010-03-21T01:15:00.005-06:00

The first real test of living from here on: going out to dinner. I decided that there was no point in getting crazy about it, because I'm still figuring out how to make this work. I drank water, skipped the appetizer, passed on the bread. I ordered my favorite pasta (Thai Chicken Pasta) and ate as much as I wanted (I took the rest home for GeekBoy to finish off). When we got home Vicki had her wine and I had one amazing hot chocolate & Kahlua thing that Kate made for me. I'm pretty sure I had more carbs than I'm really supposed to, but not NEARLY what I would have had normally (bread, maybe an appetizer, pasta, a drink with dinner and probably a bottle of wine after).

Strangely enough, it wasn't that hard. I didn't feel cheated or left out at all. See there's that pod person thing again. I don't think I can possibly explain how HUGE these changes are for me. It can't be this easy. Surely this is going to get harder. Oh well, I'm going to enjoy this phase, and if it gets harder, I'll deal with it. No point in looking for trouble, right?

Kate went home about 11:30, and I sent Vicki to bed at midnight. I had to go to work for a few hours (another reason I wasn't drinking), and after I get off work we're meeting for breakfast. I'm already calculating in my head how to order something good but "legal." Why is this okay with me?? Shouldn't I be yearning for biscuits and gravy, or stuffed French toast? It's weird.

My blood sugars have been consistently normal since I started checking them, and I seem to have adjusted to the meds, since those lovely GI side effects are gone. I'm resolved to look at tomorrow's blood sugar check as research and not be upset if it's high. Hopefully it will be okay, but if it's high, there's a lesson learned.

I haven't really been worrying about my cholesterol. I'm concentrating on the blood sugar issue right now, and just avoiding making stupid choices, like eating a bunch of cheese instead of carbs. One step at a time.

And I'd just like to mention that this week when I put on my uniform I had to take my belt up a notch. WOO-HOO!! Also, at this moment, I feel great. Just in general. I'm not tired, I don't feel overwhelmed, my uniform isn't strangling me, I just feel good. That's pretty darned cool.

Happy to report that all is boring

2010-03-16T21:11:00.002-06:00

Just boring old good news today. The bone density scan results were normal, so no osteoporosis or osteopenia! I need to take a regular over-the-counter calcium supplement because of my age and the fact that I don't drink milk, but no special meds are needed and I won't need another scan for two years. Yay for that! Once your bone density is low it takes a while to build it back up, even with prescriptions, so I'm relieved that getting this stress fracture to heal shouldn't be an more difficult than the average. The vitamin D deficiency that is partly to blame for the fracture is much easier to correct. I WANT THIS BOOT OFF! I hate it.

Also, just in case you needed some TMI, my mammogram was also normal. I wasn't really worried about that, but it's always good to know. Now once that bruise fades, I won't have to think about that for another year.

And all my blood sugar tests have been normal since I started counting carbs. So far, so good. In two weeks I'll have repeat blood work and an x-ray, and then we'll see where I stand. And whether I stand without the stupid boot.

Is this me?

2010-03-15T13:39:00.002-06:00

I have the dates for my diabetes education classes and my follow-up blood work written on my calendar. I bought the big medicine sorter and the economy-sized bottle of vitamin D. I bought divided plastic containers so I can take healthy food to work instead of sending an officer to McDonald's. Today I have to go pick up my prescriptions for lancets and test strips for my glucose meter.

Is this ME? This is my life? It just doesn't sound right. What's really weirding me out is I don't mind.

I'm a frozen pizza, poptarts, and Pepsi kind of girl. Vegetables are something I eat because you're supposed to, not because I like them. But I actually kinda liked the salad I had for dinner last night, and the unsweetened tea wasn't as good as a Pepsi, but it wasn't bad. I think I've been replaced by a pod person. I'M READING NUTRITION LABELS, FOR GOD'S SAKE!! It's scary. It's just so NOT me.

I think I should be depressed, because even the low level of diabetes I have can have serious health consequences if not taken seriously, and it just sounds old to say I have type 2 diabetes, hypothyroidism, high cholesterol, and possibly osteoporosis (still waiting on those results). But for some reason it doesn't really bother me that much. I'm taking it seriously, but I'm not depressed.

If I can just get rid of the stupid walking boot, I'll be celebrating, darn it!
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New routines

2010-03-12T00:20:00.007-06:00

First, there's keeping track of all the meds.

Then there's checking my blood sugar once every day. That has actually turned out to be pretty easy, and my results have been excellent. Plus I got to have a pretty neon purple monitor!

So right now I'm learning how to count carbs and figure out what's okay to eat.

Best thing today? I think the Synthroid is starting to work, because when I woke up this morning, I wasn't tired! I didn't feel like I needed to go back to bed and sleep a few more hours.

Tomorrow's test will be eating out for lunch. I'll be interested to see if I can eat reasonably and still get a good result on my meter. Stay tuned!

It was good while it lasted

2010-03-09T22:44:00.002-06:00

I love Pepsi, pizza, poptarts, chocolate, sweet tea, Nutella, cheese, chocolate milk, and margaritas, to name a few. I knew that at some point the fun would have to end, though. And now approaching 50 (dear God) and overweight, I hit the wall.

Actually I hit the treadmill, and in less than a month I had a stress fracture in my foot. From walking. That's kinda humiliating. My doctor said it was also alarming, and ordered a bunch of tests. The first batch came back this week. High blood sugar, high cholesterol, elevated liver enzymes, hypothyroidism, and a vitamin D deficiency. Hey, at least I'm not anemic! The results from my bone density scan aren't back yet, but there's a pretty good chance I have osteoporosis, or at least osteopenia.

I'm going to have to get one of those double-sided medicine sorters with the MTWTF on it for all my new meds. One has to be taken on an empty stomach, another one on a full stomach. One is once a week, another is once a day, another is twice a day. Dammit, this is OLD PEOPLE stuff!

This is going to be my journal. If I'm the only one that reads it, that's okay with me. In fact, it might be less embarrassing if I was! But what the hell.

We arrived, and I didn't even realize it

2009-08-10T22:01:00.002-06:00

Between driver’s ed and college enrollment, we realized it’s time to teach GeekBoy about the real world. Except for school, he’s been living mostly in his computer and his imagination most of his life. That was okay, but it’s time and he’s ready, so the lessons have begun. He’s learning to drive (dear God!). He enrolled in his college classes online, ordered his textbooks, and paid his fees with his new bank card. He’s never bought anything at the store, so he’s learning to buy groceries and order burgers at the drive-thru. He’s learned to cook beef stroganoff and tuna casserole.

As we’re doing all this, he’s turning 18, and I realized today that my role has changed. I’ve always been the guardian-dragon, standing between him and the world, keeping away people and things he couldn’t handle, only letting them through a little at a time as he was ready. Now he’s ready, and I can just teach him things. He doesn’t need a dragon anymore. He just needs a guide. How cool is that??
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Sheldon vs Leonard

2009-08-10T21:33:00.002-06:00

We watch “Big Bang Theory” a little differently here. I’ve told people that our goal is to move toward Leonard, and away from Sheldon. That makes sense to everyone who’s watched the show and knows GeekBoy.

Taking a 17-year-old who qualifies for Mensa to the grocery store and discovering that he has no idea what green onions are (because he never paid attention to what you call those things) is a little…frustrating? disconcerting? funny? All of the above. Watching him try to find the celery when he’s standing right in front of it is actually entertaining, because he gets the joke, too. He finally threw up his hands and said, “I really suck at this, don’t I?” After I explained the difference between celery and celery hearts, he started telling me about a documentary he’d watched about social networks and connections. He was still telling me about it when we arrived in the meat department, but he paused long enough to point out the chicken leg quarters that I’d been looking for. Then he continued with his explanation about Kevin Bacon and mailing a package from Africa to New York and how that applies to networks. I put several packages of meat in our cart, and he asked, “Are you finished shopping? Because you’re supposed to buy meat last so it doesn’t get warm and cause food poisoning.” I told him he was channeling Sheldon again.
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Not to mention, too many passwords to remember!

2009-08-09T17:04:00.002-06:00

I wrote this as my inaugural post on Facebook, because I was freaking out, just a little. Now I'm pasting it here, which seems kind of warped and just proves my point, sort of.

I remember George Carlin doing a routine about "stuff," where you take a smaller version of your stuff when you go on vacation, and a portion of that stuff when you go out for the day while you're on vacation...I keep thinking of that as I try to figure out this whole Facebook thing.

Just how much of "me" can people stand? I can be really annoying (not on purpose), sometimes I'm funny (not always intentionally), sometimes I'm just boring. I try really hard not to show the goofy stuff to people until they know me, because I don't want them to think I'm idiot. A dork, yes, but not an idiot.

On Twitter, the people who follow me don't know my real name, even though some of us have been "talking" for years on one site or another. I can complain about family and coworkers, talk about my job, post when I can't legally drive, etc., and not worry about offending anyone. I can admit to the alarming amount of Stargate trivia I have in my brain. We know each other, and there's no image to uphold. That's kind of the point.

On yet another site, I have some things I wrote a few years ago that I don't think anybody remembers are there, and I'm okay with that. Some of it's kind of personal, and I only give out the URLs to people I'm pretty sure won't laugh (except when they're supposed to). Although technically anyone can read it, it's unlikely anyone I know would find it unless I gave them the address.

On my (mostly abandoned) blog, some people who read it actually know me, and I keep that in mind. I've written some things there that are actually pretty good, and I have sort of poked fun at some relatives before, but I keep in mind that both family and coworkers could possibly read it.

On my high school classmates' site, I pretty much say what I want, because they already know I'm a dork, and I figure they're either laughing with me or they just delete my posts without reading them. They can tell when I'm being silly and when I'm serious, and they give me the benefit of the doubt. I really like it there.

Pretty much everyone I've ever met, a lot of the people I work with, and everyone I'm related to seems to be on Facebook. That's a little intimidating. I don't have to "friend" all of them, but what's the point of being here then? Some of them don't know the true extent of my goofiness, and maybe I'd like to keep it that way. Maybe this is the place to share photos and watch my manners. Maybe I won't worry about it. I haven't decided.

There is the question of how many versions of myself I can keep track of. And whether it's a sign of serious mental problems when you have that many versions of yourself to start with. Maybe I need to consolidate some of my versions.

Facebook is really complicated.

Cool dudes

2009-05-01T11:54:00.002-06:00

My nephew and his friends getting ready for prom. Take a guess which one is related to me.
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My mascot

2009-04-28T21:22:00.002-06:00

He stands guard on top of my monitor while I do important police work...like write up dog bite reports.
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Easter 2009

2009-04-22T17:58:00.002-06:00

After going to Florida and meeting Mickey, Minnie, Winnie and Goofy, meeting the Easter Bunny is no big deal!

Life Goes On, with as much fun as possible

2009-02-16T10:51:00.003-06:00

Regrouping. This coming Saturday will be Emma's 3rd birthday. She loves "The Wizard of Oz" and carries around a little stuffed dog named Toto in a basket, so guess what the theme will be? They've put out an open invitation to their friends and are going to do a toy exchange instead of gifts. Punch and cake for the kids, adults bring their own beverage, and everybody welcome. I think that's a fabulous idea! Stay tuned for photos of the big event!

Emma was never able to swim or even take a bath because of her chest port, but that was removed in December, so Mom & Dad took her to a water park last weekend. First she said no thank you, she'd just watch from the side, but naturally it didn't take long before she was having a ball! She still thinks her baby brother is her own personal baby doll and loves to take care of him.
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Not what we wanted to hear

2009-02-08T18:56:00.002-06:00

Two weeks ago routine tests showed that Emma's leukemia is back. Two days ago we had the official meeting with the doctors. They estimate she has six months. She is feeling fine, and probably will continue to feel relatively well for quite a while, getting most of her chemo treatments at home. The chemo will only slow the leukemia down, though.

In two weeks she'll be 3 years old. What can you say? We're not handling it well right now. Her parents and grandparents are planning as much fun for her as they reasonably can for the spring and summer. First on the list is a trip to Lexington, Kentucky, to see the thoroughbreds. She adores horses.

Don't sweat the small stuff

2008-12-28T23:47:00.005-06:00

Emma has had three Christmases so far. The first one she spent in the hospital, newly released from the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit, wearing a Santa hat while getting chemo in her hospital baby bed. Her second Christmas she got to be home, with her leukemia in remission (we thought), and she had a great time. Now, a year later, she spent her third Christmas in a hospital room. It wasn't the Christmas we had planned, but nobody's complaining. She is more than 100 days post-transplant, and her new bone marrow is chugging right along, with all her test results showing only the donor cells and no leukemia lurking in her spinal fluid. She can go out in public as long as she wears a surgical mask, which she doesn't mind doing. The only problem she's been having are intermittent mysterious fevers, which require intravenous antibiotics through her chest port.

Her oncologist suspected the culprit might be bacteria hiding in her chest port, which was implanted more than a year ago, but removing it would mean every time she needed an IV they'd have to stick her, and nobody wants to stick a 2-1/2-year-old if they don't have to. However, a sudden fever spike (and pneumonia) just before Christmas settled the question, and on Christmas Eve the port was removed. Sure enough, the surgeon told Emma's mom that they found "a lump of gunk" growing on the end of the port (she made them bring it out so she could see for herself). Emma bounced right back and came home the day after Christmas with a PICC line in her arm, so she can still get IV meds without having to be stuck. She is still surprised when she pulls up her shirt, saying "My lines are gone!" because she had those IV lines coming out of her chest for as long as she could remember. Now she just has one line in her arm, and she helps her mom and dad put her medicine in three times a day for 30 minutes, carrying the pump around by herself when she wants to go somewhere while she's getting her medicine.

Christmas Day might have been spent in the hospital, but it wasn't a bad day. The nurses spoil her rotten, and she's known some of them her whole life. She spent the morning opening presents with Mom & Dad like any other kid, and she got to show everything to her new baby brother. She didn't care that the nurses were there too. The next day she came home and opened more presents, and the only thing she was unhappy about was the fact that she wasn't allowed to turn somersaults while her medicine pump was hooked up. She's eating well and filling out, and while her hair is still pretty short, there's plenty of it now!

Nope, no complaints.

Emma & Cameron meet Santa

2008-12-07T18:49:00.005-06:00

Emma's met Santa before, and in her head she knows that underneath that beard is PawPaw Tim, but it's still just weird when you're 2! She was happy to talk to Santa and tell him she would like to have a new baby doll, but she absolutely refused to sit on his lap. When Grandma Chris asked her where Pawpaw Tim was, Emma pointed to Santa and whispered, "He's right there." She knew that was her grandpa...but at the same time it wasn't.
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Emma's newbabybrotherorsister has arrived!

2008-12-07T18:38:00.005-06:00

Cameron Lukas Hill arrived safe and sound on November 11th. Emma was thrilled, as you can see. She still thinks he's pretty cool, now a month later. She has figured out that his name is Cameron, not newbabybrotherorsister, as she kept calling him at first. After all, that's what everyone had been calling him for weeks! She also calls him "my nay-nay," which is what she calls her baby dolls.

Emma is now more than 100 days post-transplant, so she can go anywhere she wants, as long as she wears her surgical mask, which she is pretty cooperative about.

Here's the video of Emma meeting Cameron at the hospital:

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Dancing with Pawpaw

2008-10-21T01:25:00.003-06:00

Emma loves to dance in the bubbles from her bubble machine! As you can see, her hair has grown back darker, at least for now. The meds make her pretty hairy, so her newest nickname is "were-baby." She thinks it's funny, of course.

Emma + 90

2008-10-20T17:08:00.003-06:00

Emma is 90 days post transplant! She's had some trouble with recurring fevers, but lots of tests show that she's just picked up a bacteria or two, easily taken care of with antibiotics. She is eating and drinking better, which has been the main concern. Apparently the radiation and drugs involved in the transplant procedure burn out your taste buds for while, so she's working back up to normal eating. "Nay-nay," as she calls her upcoming sibling, is due in just a couple of weeks, so keep Anna and Kyle in your prayers. They are going to be exhausted, physically and mentally. Emma, however, just keeps on and on, like the Energizer Bunny. I'll get a photo posted in the next couple of hours.

The day we've both dreaded and hoped for

2008-07-22T20:46:00.003-06:00

Emma had her stem cell transplant today. It will be well into fall before she gets to go outside again, but we have every reason to believe that in November she'll be eating turkey and pumpkin pie with the family again, including a new baby brother or sister. Check out her dancing skills in the latest video, taken Friday in her specially fitted-out hospital room. You'd never guess she'd already had four days of radiation and two days of chemo! Her mom told me they had to get her a "cage bed" because she was jumping on her bed so high they were afraid she'd tumble over the side! Too bad that's not in the video!

I need to update her website, too. In the meantime, you can check it out if you like cute kid pics!

Yes, I'm a dork...

2008-06-29T09:31:00.002-06:00

...but I can't help myself. I never shined a shoe in my life until last year, and now every other weekend is boot-shining time. After 45 years, you can learn something new! I got my boots so lovely and shiny I just had to take a picture.

Geek Syndrome

2008-06-08T12:08:00.003-06:00

For whovian and her nephew:

I mentioned in an online forum that my son (known here and in many places as GeekBoy) has Asperger's syndrome, a form of autism. I was asked for more information and ended up writing what was intended to be a short overview of our experience. It got a little long, but I thought it was pretty good, and my cousin, a psychiatric social worker, told me it was terrific. In case anyone outside the Random Chat forum is interested, I thought I'd post it here. Thank you to whovian, aka Trish, because if you hadn't asked, I would never have thought to write it down!

GeekBoy was diagnosed with ADHD and Generalized Anxiety Disorder when he was in third grade (about 8 years old). For the next couple years, Asperger's syndrome was mentioned from time to time, but I honestly didn't think he had that, based on what I knew (at the time) of the characteristics. There are a lot of areas that overlap between Asperger's, anxiety, and ADHD. By the time he was in 7th grade (about 12 years old) I realized he probably did have it, partly because there was better, clearer information available describing the characteristics and symptoms, and partly (I think) because we'd dealt with a lot of his true ADHD behaviors with modifications, training, and medication, and it was easier to see the Asperger stuff. He'd been seeing a psychiatrist for four years for medication, and I talked to the doc about the whole Asperger's thing. He told me that an official diagnosis is based on observation, which can be done through specialized testing, but the testing isn't always conclusive, is rarely covered by insurance, and is very expensive. He said based on what he knew and had observed of GeekBoy's problems, he agreed that he most likely had Asperger's. He wrote a letter for us for the school, where he already had been "identified" with "special needs" (Gifted and ADHD).

The school psychologist and all that bunch told me that for school, the diagnosis isn't that important, since services are based on needs, and the needs don't change because of any particular label, but it's easier to tell someone he has Asperger's than to try to explain what he's like and what he needs, at least as a start.

He has regular classes, plus a resource hour with a teacher who sort of works as his school case worker and his coach. His school is wonderful! It's a huge high school (1600 students), located in an older part of town, so the student population is very diverse--Hispanic, black, white, poor (including kids from the homeless shelter), wealthy, part-time students from the deaf school, etc. There is no "average" student there, so the teachers don't aren't freaked out by a kid who needs some special consideration. When he was in junior high, at a school of almost 100% upper-middle-class suburban kids, there were teachers who just didn't know how to handle the fact that when GeekBoy gets stressed, he needs to pace. Even when this was written into his educational program, it just freaked them out--it was a disruption! Now at his high school, once the teachers know this is his thing, and he won't take off or run away, they let him go out in the hall and pace if he needs to, no big deal.

School is hard for him, though, because he can't keep track of his homework. Sometimes he forgets to do it, sometimes he does it but forgets to turn it in. He tends to wander off someplace in his own head as soon as he gets bored in class, so he misses things. His last IQ test result was 145, but it's a struggle for him to pass his classes. He gets decent to excellent grades on tests, but he doesn't turn in homework and he has trouble getting projects done on time. He can tell you all about the radar systems used by England and Germany during World War II because he saw a program about that on the Discovery Channel a year ago, but he can't remember what he did in English class today.

He is hypervigilant about safety (bike helmets, seatbelts, power tools, ladders, the stove, etc.) to the point of being a pain in the neck, but not like Mr. Monk. If a subject interests him, he will learn everything he possibly can about it (just ask him anything about Stargate, I dare you!), but if he's not interested in something and/or thinks there's no point to it, he can barely tolerate dealing with it (this includes homework assignments). He doesn't like to be touched unexpectedly, but he is a hugger as long as he knows you're coming. He is hopeless at social cues, and we have to remind him to make eye contact when he's talking to people. He can't make small talk to save his life, and in a conversation he either talks your ear off or mumbles monosyllables. He is very sensitive to sounds. He wears earplugs in movie theaters because he can't stand the volume. Textures bother him, especially in food. He doesn't like chunks in anything (except chocolate chips). He absolutely won't eat shrimp, because of the texture (he calls it "crumfy"). He doesn't like to wear clothes at all, but when required (we require), he prefers loose, comfortable clothes with no tags in the shirts. He wears his socks inside out because the seam on the toes makes him crazy (thank heaven for Sean Connery in Finding Forrester).

He will watch an anthill for hours. He's the same way with water. Show him a fountain and he'll go to sleep standing up. Give him a hose and he could play for hours, watching the water, but never remember to actually water the garden. When he wants to think, he walks in circles around the dining room table.

It's obviously a big deal in some ways, but we've tried to keep it in perspective and not have him be self-conscious about it. He has a pretty good sense of humor about it, actually. Once in a while I'll forget myself and say, "Why are you pacing?" He'll say, "Hello? Autistic here!"

GeekBoy will always be "weird" and will always have difficulties with social situations, but he'll be able to function independently in the real world, hold a job, and quite possibly have a family, assuming he finds a patient, organized woman! He has a great sense of humor, and is wicked with puns, so he may not be a social butterfly, but he'll have friends. Knowing he'll be okay as an adult helps us keep the trials and frustrations in perspective.

Just when you find your comfort zone...

2008-01-05T21:44:00.000-06:00

I've gotten used to starting my day in a locker room, putting on my uniform. I've gotten used to remembering to shake up the pepper spray container every Monday so the contents don't settle. I've gotten used to answering the phone and having people ask questions like "Is getting a ticket for driving by a school bus that has its stop sign out considered a moving violation?" and having people tell me how inconvenient is for them to be arrested right now. It doesn't even feel weird anymore when I walk into the squad room in my uniform to change my radio battery and the sergeant is in the middle of roll call with patrol officers half my age.

Getting comfortable...it was too good to last. Monday morning I go back to school for a week to learn more about Kansas law. At the Police Academy. With actual commissioned police officers...the ones they actually let carry guns...who are half my age. Oh joy. Sarge says I have to wear my uniform, too, so I'll stick out like a sore thumb. It will be good for me, right? Build my confidence? I'll keep telling myself that.

The other "fun" thing is, I know most of the instructors. The problem is they know me from my volunteer days. My days as a volunteer drinker, that is. Yes, the last time most of the instructors saw me, I was legally drunk and trying to walk a straight line while the trainee officers practiced field sobriety testing.

Maybe they won't recognize me.

Our Christmas Gift

2007-12-30T18:25:00.000-06:00

Last year we were counting our blessings, because one month after being diagnosed with leukemia, Emma was doing far better than expected. On Christmas Day she was out of PICU and doing pretty well with the chemotherapy, although she still had lots of tubes and couldn't have many visitors.

This year Emma spent Christmas with her family, having a ball! She is in remission, is finished with chemotherapy, and is growing her hair back. She loves horses, shoes and Barney. And she's a complete and total ham!

With Great-great-grandma Nanny on Christmas morning:

When is a laptop not a laptop anymore?

2007-12-22T18:58:00.001-06:00

The internal fan in my laptop doesn't work anymore, and then it overheats and shuts down, so I set the laptop on a couple of strips of wood to give it space underneath and aimed a $5 fan I bought at Walmart at it. It works really well.

Then the light in the laptop screen went out, so I had to hook up our old spare monitor--it's not even a flat screen!

Since I used to type for a living, I had to have an ergonomic keyboard, and I never did like that touchpad deal, so I have a wireless mouse and keyboard hooked up to the laptop, too.

I don't have the printer and scanner hooked up right now, because there's no room on the desk.

Santa? Or is that Grandpa?...It's Mom!!!

2007-12-19T09:06:00.000-06:00

Emma doesn't seem to sure about this whole Santa thing, even if that is Grandpa under the beard. Wait, it's not Grandpa, it's Mom!! That's just weird...although not so scary.

When it was Grandpa under there, she didn't like it one bit!

I'm not looking at you...

2007-11-12T19:53:00.000-06:00

Rocky the Llama is very curious, but he is touchy about who's in charge. If you make eye contact, he sometimes takes offense at this challenge to his dominance and will spit at you. And trust me, his spit smells absolutely horrible! So Rocky kept following GeekBoy around, but pretending he wasn't all that interested in the visiting human. GeekBoy had no desire to smell like llama spit, so the two of them wandered all over the yard together, studiously pretending to ignore each other and never making eye contact. It was absolutely hilarious!

SuperAunt Chronicles: Not Quite As Super As I Used To Be

2007-06-15T21:14:00.001-06:00

My throat hurts from screaming, I ache everywhere, and I have bruises all over. Yes, it was a fun day at World of Fun.

We estimate that we managed 15 roller coaster rides, 10 other assorted rides, and a minimum of three complete trips around the park in 4 hours. No wonder I hurt. It's a miracle I survived!

The Patriot - 6+ rides (60 mph inverted roller coaster)
The Mamba - 7+ rides (75 mph roller coaster)
Cyclone Sam's - 2 rides (I'd really like to know just how fast this thing spins, because I've got bruises on my ribs!)
The Boomerang - 2 rides (50 mph one way coaster, then reverses and goes backward over the tracks)
Twisting Dragons - 2 rides (spinning roller coaster)
Log Flume - 1 ride
The Monsoon - 1 ride
The Detonator - 2 rides
The Zulu - 1 ride

As we were dragging ourselves back to the parking lot, we realized neither of us could remember exactly where we parked, even though we had deliberately chosen a spot right under a light pole with a placard proclaiming C-something. It was the "something" we couldn't quite remember. After having hysterical giggles over that for a few minutes, we bravely trudged in the general direction of the car (we hoped), predicting they would find us hours later draped over some random white van, crying, unable to find our white van. In reality, once we got about halfway across the parking lot, we were able to figure out which pole was the right one and headed straight to the correct van.

I remember the days, not so long ago, when I could go all day at Worlds of Fun or the zoo or whatever with the niece and nephews and arrive home tired but intact, and even sane. Not anymore! I suspect the problem is less age and more overweight-and-out-of-shape, but the age isn't helping. I resolve to be in better shape before The Nephew descends next summer! I have to, because:

The only flaw in the day, from The Nephew's point of view, was that he couldn't talk me into doing The Ripcord with him. That's the ride where they truss you up, hook you to a cable, pull you 180 feet into the air, and then drop you into a 50-foot free fall, and then you swing at the end of the cord about 80 miles per hour. I have to admit I did it once, about five years ago, but it took me two years to work up the nerve, not two hours. Swinging 80 mph is awesome, but I hate falling. I'm not wild about dangling 180 feet up in the air with nothing to hold onto, either. I understood how badly he wanted to do it, and I felt for him, I really did, but…no. I just couldn't get up the courage. I did make a promise, though, because I'm a fool. I told him if he couldn't find someone else, like his cousin or his sister, to do it with him next summer, I would do it. Idiot, idiot, idiot…I have a year to either work up my courage or find a sub. I'd better start getting in better shape, because I need to be able to scream a lot more if I'm going to do The Ripcord.

SuperAunt Chronicles: Arrival of The Nephew And His Maalox

2007-06-13T21:41:00.000-06:00

I have to say two things right off the bat here: first, he hasn't said the word "bored" once since he arrived more than 24 hours ago; second, his parents both thanked me several times for going to get him. I have to give credit where credit is due.

The train trip to get him was pretty uneventful, if long--the train was 1-1/2 hours late arriving. Having made this trip a few times in the last several years, I was expecting that, so no problem. The Nephew called my cell phone twice in the first 10 minutes to see if I was on the train yet. Twice, because I was busy boarding and signing for my ticket and ignored the first call. I answered the second one and told him, yes, I was indeed on the train and on my way. He only called three more times during the 6 hour trip. He also sent me three text messages, most of them consisting questions like "Where are you now?" and "How about now?"

Once at my brother's house, we all had a nice evening chatting, while universally dreading our 4:30 a.m. wake-up time to get to the train station for the return trip. My sister-in-law busied herself making us fabulous hoagie sandwiches for our trip and packing a small cooler. Twice during the evening she reminded The Nephew that there was a bottle of Maalox for him in his shaving kit. True to his parentage, he likes spicy food but it doesn't like him, and she wanted to make sure he was prepared. That was perfectly reasonable. It got silly later.

The next morning I woke at 4 a.m. when The Nephew's alarm clock started going off upstairs in his room. He hit the snooze five times. I'm not exaggerating. Five. About 4:30 he finally got up, and he, his dad and I stumbled around getting showered, dressed and packed for our trip to the train station. About 20 minutes before we were due to leave, my sister-in-law got up to make sure T.N. had everything, and she told us each twice again that there was a bottle of Maalox in his shaving kit. Right, got it. Then she gave him strict instructions that he was never to be out of my sight, except when he had to go to the bathroom, and then he was only to use the restroom in the same train car we were sitting in. We are talking about a husky 15-year-old boy on a train crossing the farmland of central Missouri. He got a little testy during the second recitation of these instructions. Finally we were out the door, and my brother delivered us to the train station, where the train was already 10 minutes behind schedule. We settled back to eat the cupcakes in our lunch for breakfast and watch some episodes of "Stargate: Atlantis." Less than 30 minutes into our trip, T.N. got two text messages, both from his mother, reminding him that there was a bottle of Maalox....you know the rest. Shortly after that I got a text message. Guess what it said? Once we got to my house, Mr. SmartyPants called his mother to ask her where his bottle of Maalox was.

In other news, during our train trip I finally got the official call from the police department offering me the CSO position! We celebrated by going to the snack car and getting some root beer. While we were there, I sent text messages to our families letting them know I'd gotten the job. My sister-in-law and I had been talking the night before about how if I got this job, one of the department requirements was that I be sprayed with pepper spray, since I would carry the spray on duty. After I sent the message that I'd gotten the job, The Nephew got a text message from his mom that said, "If she gets sprayed while you're there, take pictures!" No, we have no grown-ups in my family!

SuperAunt Chronicles: The Nephew Is Coming

2007-06-06T11:38:00.000-06:00

The Nephew, the one I called All Boy below, is coming to visit Tuesday. Back when he and his cousins were younger, we planned a special week each summer when the three cousins would come to stay with GeekBoy and me, and we would do all kinds of kid things: Worlds of Fun, the zoo, the children's museum, all-you-can-eat pizza buffet, etc. Now, about ten years later, the older three have more or less outgrown this (one is Emma's mom now), but The Nephew, the youngest at 15, still treasures his visits here. There are a few problems, though.

First, he forgets that after about an hour here, he is bored. I'm going to keep track of how many times he says the words "I'm bored" while he's here. He is an outdoorsy kid, and GeekBoy, as the saying goes, "went outside once, but the graphics weren't that great." I no longer have a job that gives me the summer off, so we have to work around my work schedule, which is flexible, but not optional.

Second, he eats like a normal teenage boy. GeekBoy is not, and never has been, a normal teenage boy (I'll pay for that later, but he's knows it's true). I remember realizing during The Nephew's last visit that teenage boys apparently need feeding every two hours. Ye gods! Luckily his favorite breakfast food is cereal, any cereal, which will help a lot with the next problem (see below).

Third, he gets up early. 'Nuf said.

However, he's a fun kid, and I'm glad he likes to come and visit. Like any smart kid, he's discovered Stargate SG-1 and Stargate: Atlantis, so I have 4 seasons of DVDs to distract him with. He's called me twice a day for the last several days, evidence of his anticipation of the visit. I've agreed he can bring his guitar. I hope he actually knows how to play it.

Maybe I'm crazy....

2007-05-25T20:21:00.000-06:00

I'm waiting around waiting while a detective does my background check. I've been a teacher, a waitress, a daycare provider, and a medical transcriptionist. Now here I am, hoping to become a Community Service Officer at the local police department. Am I crazy doing this at the age of 45? Is it a midlife crisis? I'm pretty sure it's not. I'm also pretty sure I'd be a really good CSO. All I can do now is wait...

Pro: Uniform makes getting dressed for work easy. More money than I make now, plus benefits. Supporting police officers. Challenging job. Reliable paychecks at reliable times. Simple income taxes (as opposed to being self-employed). My nephew thinks its really cool.

Con: Probably can't wear my cool earrings with the uniform. Ugly shoes. Pepper spray. Rotating shifts. Interview question "Are you offended by foul language?" Getting GeekBoy to and from school.

Pro wins by a mile. Hopefully no forgotten skeletons fall out of my closet.

Boys

2007-05-15T22:43:00.000-06:00

I have two nephews and a son, and they are as different in personalities as they are in appearance. This picture is several years old, but you get the idea: a redhead, a blonde, and the dark-complected one.

The middle guy there is nephew #1, Mr. Teen. He loves loud, obnoxious music (to be honest I don't know what kind, but it just sounds like noise to me). He is into skateboarding. He spends all his indoor time on MySpace. And this week, he got his lip pierced. I am giving him lots of grief about the fact that he nearly passed out having it done, and he doesn't mind. He lets me make fun of him as long as I keep making him tie-dye T-shirts. He is excited about this coming summer because for the first time he has a car and a job, and he might actually get to do something!

The redhead is All Boy. He loves to play army, climb trees, build go-carts, and eat a lot. He actually gets up early in the morning before school so he can play outside for a while before he has to catch the bus. Last fall he broke his upper arm trying to make the football team. Two weeks ago he gashed his arm while trying to clean up broken glass (he kicked an aquarium). He sent me camera-phone pictures of his arm and the bloody towels. He's thoughtful that way. Yesterday he broke his forearm when he was out running and tripped over his dog. He wants to come and spend at week at my house, which he thinks will be loads of fun. He forgets that after about an hour here, he is bored. He likes to be outside, and my son, blonde GeekBoy, has a favorite saying: "I went outside once, but the graphics weren't all that great."

GeekBoy only goes outside when he is required to mow the lawn, or to get the mail when he thinks he might have a new game coming from Gamerang. He spends nearly every waking moment either playing video games, or playing online games. He does sometimes take time out to use some of the thousands of Legos in his room to build the creatures from his gaming, or to watch the Discovery Channel or the History Channel. He is the only one of the three boys who still wears glasses, because he shudders at the thought of touching his eyeball and couldn't care less about his appearance. He has become Mr. Safety, and has been known to stick his head out of the car window to yell at other kids who are skateboarding without helmets. He is horrified by the thought that he will be old enough to drive this fall and we might actually ask him to learn how.

So I will continue to harass Mr. Teen via MySpace, just to keep him humble, I'll take All Boy to the amusement park and let him ride all the rides until we're exhausted, and I'll start remodeling the basement so GeekBoy will have a place to live after college.

Need something to smile about?

2007-04-22T20:30:00.000-06:00

If that photo doesn't make you smile, then maybe this will: That photo is of Emma, my great-niece. She is now 14 months old and has spent most of the last 5 months of her life in the hospital after being diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia (ALL). She started responding to the treatments immediately and is now doing beautifully. She still gets chemo once a week, but she is officially in remission. She is crawling everywhere and loves to explore. She'll be walking before long. She can say three words so far: "Hi," "Daddy," and a word we don't recognize but clearly means "Mine!"

While that's smile material right there, there's more. Whenever you wonder what's gotten into people these days, think of these people:

A lady I know only through an internet forum read about Emma in my postings and sent me gifts for her, including a stuffed puppy and bunny that Emma loves!

Back in December some people in Emma's hometown of Festus, Missouri (population 9,000) wanted to help out. First there was a raffle and a giant stocking that people could put little gifts in for her. This caught the attention of the local paper, who did an article about her. A little boy who read the article confessed to his mother that he'd already peeked at his Christmas presents, and since he was really too old for that Tickle Me Elmo, he wanted to give it to Emma. They did.

Then the people who organized the raffle decided to go all out, and they organized a huge benefit for Emma in March. There was a full day of events, starting with a motorcycle poker run and culminating in an evening of music, food and an auction. It was a huge undertaking! They raised enough money for her parents to buy a nearly-new car for the drives to the hospital 50 miles away. They were putting more than 500 miles a week on their old car, which was literally held together with duct tape in places.

6-year-old Dilan heard about Emma. He had been collecting tab-tops from soda cans to recycle and save money to buy an XBox. He decided to give them to Emma instead. He and his parents brought them to the benefit and presented them to her mom, Anna.

120 bikers participated in the poker run and then came to the benefit for the chicken & dumplings dinner, beer and music. They were all wearing pink buttons with Emma's photo that said "Riding For Emma."

Emma actually got to make a cameo appearance that evening. She waved to everyone and then ignored them to focus on the microphone Grandpa Tim was using, which she seemed to think was pretty fascinating.

When the local paper ran an article about the benefit, a woman who read the article called the family and offered to rent a house to Emma's parents at a very reduced rate so they could have their own place instead of having to live with family. Not only do they now have a place to call their own, but it's actually closer to the hospital, which is great.

This photo is of Emma a couple of days after her first birthday, and believe it or not, it was taken in her hospital room.

If you just can't stand to watch the news for one more second, check out Emma's website for more photos. We set up the site so family and friends could see the latest photos and get the latest news, but it'll make anybody smile, I guarantee it!

The internet has a lot to answer for

2007-04-01T21:48:00.000-06:00

I wrote this a while back but never posted it anywhere, because it's kind of personal, and I felt a little self-conscious. But it seems like someone besides me should read it, so I'm putting it here, where I'll probably still be the only person to read it, but you never know. Names have been changed, blah, blah, blah....

I couldn't sleep last night and just got to thinking...the internet has a lot to answer for. If it wasn't for the 'net, I wouldn't have gotten reacquainted with a group of high school friends a few years ago (18 years after graduation). As a result, I wouldn't have spent 9/11 glued to the TV knowing that Kevin was in the Pentagon that day, or the next day crying with relief because he'd emailed me to say he was okay. I wouldn't have known Paul was working in Seattle during that earthquake. I wouldn't be worrying about Hank right now in Baghdad. And when Charlie was killed last summer, it would have been sad, but I wouldn't have cried for three months.

Of course, I also wouldn't have been able to laugh about the exploits of Paul's teenage daughter. I wouldn't have known what an amazing person Charlie had become and spent time laughing with him before it was too late. I wouldn't have been able to read Kevin's short, terse, but touching messages to Hank as we try to get him through a nightmare. I wouldn't have gotten to make 12 soldiers on guard duty happy with a box of stale cookies. Their email in response wouldn't have made me cry. I wouldn't have been able to tell Susan that I'd gladly come and help her kick the snot out of the school board if they don't get on the ball and help her handicapped daughter. Yes, if it weren't for the internet, I would have a lot less to worry about. Thank heaven for the internet!

Some people look forward to weekends

2007-03-01T08:35:00.000-06:00

The names have been changed to protect the guilty.

I spent hours today on a ladder painting the edges of the ceiling that I didn't get to last weekend. Whoever designed "popcorn" ceiling texture should be shot. Several times. After I finally finished painting, I crawled along the hallway scrubbing up the dried texture bits that I had dislodged with my paintbrush. Well, I didn't actually crawl, I scooted. I was going to crawl, but then I remembered that I have a bone spur under my right kneecap. It never bothers me unless I kneel on it, so of course I "remembered" by kneeling on it...and then hitting my head on the wall when I lurched sideways trying to get OFF my knee as fast as possible.

I'm pretty sure it's a bone spur, because it feels just like you'd think a spur under your kneecap would feel. To give my athletic-trainer-husband some credit, when I asked him about it, he just agreed that I was probably right, instead of asking me to let him look at my knee, which generally is followed by the words "Does it hurt when I do this?" I've seen him try that trick on the 18-year-olds in the training room. Poor naive things. I don't fall for that line anymore. Last week I had a headache and he offered to massage my head for me. I said no thank you, and he smiled and asked if I really didn't want a massage, or if I was just chicken. He knows I know.

Once I finished mopping the hallway with a washcloth to get all the paint spots up, I decided to take a shower. That turned out to be complicated, because we've been trying to figure out the origin of the huge water spots on the garage ceiling (right under the toilet...hmmm). Mr. Efficient found a small leak from the water supply valve, so he had tightened up all the things that could be tightened and then laid paper towels all around the toilet to see if there were any leaks and if so, where they were coming from. Now I wanted to take a shower, but the bathroom was still covered in paper towels.

I had to dislodge The King of Home Repair from his recliner (watching "Pirate Tech") and have him do his final toilet check. No leaks! Apparently our garage ceiling decor is the result of GeekBoy trying to un-stop the toilet on his own a few days ago (1/4" of water on the floor as a result). I'm pretty sure Mr. In-My-Day will stop telling GeekBoy that he's old enough to use a plunger by himself now. He cleaned up his leak detection devices and went back to his pirates so I could take a shower. About 15 seconds after I got under the water, the automatic timer on the light switch went off. I spent a little time thinking mean things about husbands who are obsessed with wasting electricity.

Someday I'm going to electrocute myself getting out of the shower to turn the lights back on. Yes, I'm sure I could manage to shower in the dark, but I'm also QUITE sure that I'd hit my head or fall over something when I was trying to get OUT of the shower. Sometimes Tuftie likes to come in very quietly and lie on the rug while I'm in the shower. That's a Chevy Chase movie in the making there.

The ceiling looks really good. The hallway looks very nice, and now that I put the rugs back down on the nice clean floor, the dogs won't skid into the walls when they get excited. My knee feels fine now, but my elbow hurts. Tomorrow I have to clean up the guest room, because my sister's coming soon. Not clean, as in dust and vacuum. I mean clean up, as in, find the bed. Although...if I give her enough margaritas, she'll probably just sleep on the couch downstairs anyway...

Why on earth do I have a blog??

2007-01-17T14:05:00.000-06:00

I just wanted to post a comment on David Hewlett's blog, but you had to be registered to do that. So I registered and started a blog. For about three weeks. Then not only did I realize I really don't have time for a blog, considering I have a husband, a son, a job, a website (www.buese.net/index.html) where I already write things (www.buese.net/babbling.html), volunteer work, and too many hobbies to name, but then David Hewlett moved (www.adogsbreakfastmovie.com)! Can you believe it?? I've forgiven him, though, because it's just too much fun hanging out in the forums with the other squirrels and waiting to see what tidbit the Squirrel Emperor will throw to us next.

I decided to toss my neglected blog and write this non-blog for the time being.

So for now, in my spare time (right!) I am writing an essay about my mother-in-law, another one about the time I spent 5 days living with my 88-year-old grandmother, and I am busily posting photos of my adorable great-niece Emma, who is marching (okay, crawling) her way through chemotherapy for acute lymphoblastic leukemia like the trooper she is. She is amazing everyone and will soon celebrate her first birthday! You can see the photos at www.buese.net/emma.html and watch for fundraiser information if you are so inclined. Emma's dad lost his job two weeks after she was hospitalized and they no longer have health insurance.

And if you actually read this, would you tell me? Because I'm pretty sure no one but my sister and I do.

--crazymom